We should probably prepare for the things we pray for/ Today I got good news and I cried

I wish that I could say that they were happy tears

I wish I could tell you that I sobbed because I was grateful

But I found myself weeping because joy had shown up and I had no space left for it

I had filled every single crevice of me with grief

I had only today made space for new pain

For even when I finally developed a wary type of acceptance for depression and anxiety

I discovered withdrawal

Frantically feeding my brain like a feral beast

Causing me pain when it needs something

But unable to communicate what that something might be

I was so consumed

That a piece of the joy I had been praying for

Finally arrived but

It found me unprepared

I had nowhere to put it

I had no idea how to let it in

So I cried

I hope there is soon space for that joy where those tears occupied